Although as you may of noticed, even my new music can do horrible horrible things to my weak little mind.
While Im here though, I feel the intense need to go through my ipod playlist right now and the meaning of every song.
Yes, Im that tired, and that desperate for relief from the pains that linger inside of me.
Oh did I meantion the entire left side of my head is swollen. I really need to start wearing my helmet all of the time. It was just a pretty day and I wanted to enjoy it for a second.
I actualy found this one just a few days ago. It fits into both of our situations now, just for her I suppose she would be talking about a guy.
In a strange enough coincidence; this is the song that I literally thought I killed myself to while riding today. Strange little things in life huh.
For this next one. . . . turn your speakers up a little bit.
This is my feel good song. It makes my hips shake, and my arms wave. I killed this one for awhile I must admit. Its one of a select few songs that make me instantly happy.
Im really getting sick of these bands not letting you embed their actual video. Wouldnt that be better for their appearance anyways?
Well, anyways. This is my pumped song. This is the song that I turn to when the session is getting slow and I just blast it. It puts me back in the spot where I need to be to just ride and not think.
Im glad I actualy got to embed the video this time or this song would come across as stupid (and it still might to some, and I cant necessarily blame them, the intro is kinda lame) but the video kinda just makes me what to cut my hair shorter, die it dirt bag blond, and start on a tattoo collection (ive already picked out a few, its just a matter of time now). Also the original version of this song has some meaning to me and the woman that I find myself staying awake through the night for. God I hate myself.
Let the music make my words. Sorry, another song were they wont let me use the damn video.
When Im tired, sweaty, and alone, this is my back pocket card. The shins know how to break my heart without knowing me. Ya, that good.
If the queen wasnt in there then what kind of playlist would this be exactly? Even if the video and words are off. . . . . just look away and listen.
This is one that you have to watch the actual video of. Youtube, not that hard to find.
Everytime you hear this song, realize that everytime ive heard it i cried like a grown man on the pavement. partially because of that line.
The lord showed me dreams of my daughter, she was crying inside your stomcah. . . and i felt love. . . again. . . . . . .
Thats what Im going to end this entry on. Im sure I left out a couple, but these are my go-tos and my addictions. Bloodstream is also in this (directly beside the song above) playlist, but ive already mentioned that, so ill save my tears of bringing it back up.
I love you all from the bottom of my heart. Everyone has helped me progress as a human being in some way, and there is no way I could ever repay my friends and my family for their love and support. Everyone I have around me are amazing people that my life could not function without. I thank you all, and I love you all. I couldnt ask for better friends, I couldnt pray for a better family, and I couldnt of loved a woman anymore.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Im still not entirely intact.
Some days are better than others.
Some days I see light at the end of the tunnel.
Most I grieve as though a loved one died.
Friends help.
They keep me occupied and unaware.
Sometimes though, it gets to me and I struggle.
Manchester Orchastrea has fucked with my head.
Their music has incompased my life.
And then there is one other song.
Its even a little hard to listen to.
This song repeated my entire trip back from Johnson City the other night.
An amazing day for a bike rider. Decent weather. . . . for most of the day. Nice and sweaty.
I am in an exceptionally good mood. Exceptionally.
The Kooks= True Rock Stars
Did I get to mention it was Michelle's birthday today?! Twenty. We have already hung out once today, and Im about to head out and see her again. Not getting back together yet, but it still makes me very happy to see her of course.
There is nothing that I can say that I havent already said. Nothing I can do that I havent already tried. Its in her hands now. The only thing I can do is try and better myself while she is gone.
I do miss her so.
There isnt a minute that has gone by that I havent thought about her and what she may be doing.
I am being over bearing again. . . . . thats not the man I want to be to her. I want to be understanding of her feelings all the time. It just hurts.
Im a boreing blogger when I dont have her.
Oh how I miss her.
Monday, August 24, 2009
So very sore. Pedal in knee; makes for a unhappy Adam. . . . As do other things.
I didnt speak to her at all today.
I heard a song today on the radio; it made me more sad than I had originaly expected most anything to do.
Another fact: We even watched this movie together.
Sore; yet I will probably just ride all day tomorrow.
Sad; yet I understand her reasons.
Miss her; yet I know how I love her, and know how I need her.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Nice clothes-check
Her favorite cologne-check
Good attitude-check
Chances of her leaving me-already happened
Im not good at this. Not being around her is painfull in more ways than I can concieve. No touch, no kiss, no love, no eyes. I miss her eyes. Those eyes that looked into my own and told me how they loved me. Those eyes have more of my heart riding on them than anything else imaginable.
She needs her space, and I understand. . . . . . . . . . I do. Some things in life are painfull because you care for a person, because you know you want them to be happy even if you are not. She is the pride of my life and I dont know how long I can live without her. Weeks? Months? Years? a Lifetime? How could I predict my ability when I am doughting tomorrow.
I love her; I do. I hope she finds who she really is, and I hope it involves my right hand interlocked with hers
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Two month old cranks. . . . . . gonezoooo
My hearts broken. Thats why I bought the parts with a good warante.
Michelle and I are doing much better. In case you didnt know; we werent doing so great earlier.
When riding first began in my life it seemed simple. The tricks for some reason seemed easily obtainable. In my little mind I pictured myself finally being able to bunny-hop 2 bricks stacked ontop of eachother one day, and then being able to 360 down a huge set the next.
Whenever I see a rad little dude (or gal; lets not be sexiest here) I wonder what gives them the drive.
In my eyes; looking back now; even I dont know how I really felt hope at becoming anything more than just a little kid on a bike. Those bricks never got stacked very high very quickly. I guess I just realized the progression over time and it pleased me enough to go on. Either that; or I had just already rapped up to much time and effort into something to give up on it.
When I was young and trying to ride I looked to guys like josh, nebo. . . . well and a few others I suppose. But those guys were so good. They could manual forever, throw tricks when they wanted to, and they always seemed to progress so much more everytime I saw them.
How did I have hope?!
Primarily I believe what drove me into the sport/lifestyle I posses today was my constant urge for something exciting, diffrent, intriguing, and obtainable. I never really liked skateboarding anyways (i had a nac for tinkering with things and bikes just fit that category better.) Then again I always liked speed. At one point in my life I even raced dirt bikes but just never really got into it (my dad always did my bike repairs.)
Maybe thats it! Honestly after babbeling on this entire time I might of just realized my reasoning for doing what Im doing today.
Because I could do it on my own. No one to tell me what trick I had to do, how my bike had to be set. . . . fucking anything!
I honest to god just realized that and I have been pondering this subject for the better part of the afternoon and night.
Maybe for me it wasnt about getting better; although it probably did boost my self-esteem. Maybe for me it was just about being alone in my room working on MY bike that nobody else could or really wanted to deal with, or at springbrooke park dicking around on my own time doing my own thing because my mom had better things to do in a day then watch an overly hyperactive child.
Shwoooo. . . . . . . . .
Not that I finally got the epiohany out of the way; what drives me to get better today?
Maybe it still has something to do with the fact that is all mine. I ride whenever I have an oppurtunity and no one can really stop me even to this day. (i like to ride on my lunch breaks as well.) I think alot of it is; I still have that mantallity that I could be pro tomorrow if I just keep pushing and trying. Who knows? I sure as hell hope so.
Even if I dont though, I will always have my memories from my riding, my riding friends, my best/riding friends, my riding roadtrips, and my riding parties.
This little "hobby" or "sport"; whatever you want to catagorize it as has givin my life and made me into the person I am today; wether good or bad.
I love my bike, I love my friends, and I love a clear day with nothing to do but ride my favorite spots and progress.
